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21/64 is an independent nonprofit practice providing multigenerational advising, facilitation and training for next generation engagement.

Ambiguous Loss: Learning to live with Unresolved Grief

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AUTHOR:

Pauline Boss (Harvard University Press, November 2000)

REVIEWER:

Barbara Feinberg, Life Coach/Psychotherapist, Futures

BOOK LINK:

https://www.amazon.com/Ambiguous-Loss-Learning-Unresolved-Grief/dp/0674003810

REVIEW:

Barbara Feinberg, LISW-S, IMFT is a life coach/psychotherapist and certified 21/64 trainer and consultant with particular expertise in the emotional impact of wealth. Her clients have a wide range of issues, many related to life transitions.

Ambiguous loss is one without closure, leaving the bereft stuck, unable to move on.

Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia are pervasive in our society. These conditions can precipitate sorrow without closure, a response that is different from and considered far more difficult than the reactions commonly seen after a death.

Those who care for and about loved ones diagnosed with these and many other disabling conditions struggle with complex and challenging practical considerations and related decisions.

Often, the responsibility for making such decisions falls to children and grandchildren. The relationships between generations, different values, geographic dispersion and varying degrees of understanding the needs and status of the declining family member may provoke intense conflict in families.

High net worth families may have considerably more choice and flexibility in arranging necessary care. However, the potential disruption of individual and family functioning related to mourning a profound loss before the death of their loved one cannot be resolved with financial resources alone.

Pauline Boss, in her fine book Ambiguous Loss, conceptualizes this little understood variant of grief as a trauma impacting on the whole family.

Ambiguous loss of a family member who is physically present and psychologically absent, includes those who:

• Have dementia
• Suffer from mental illness and/or addiction
• Face a life-threatening illness
• Become disabled
• Are workaholics

Ambiguous loss is also present when families are faced with a psychological presence that is physically absent. These “lost” may include those who:

• The military identifies as missing in action
• Disappear without a trace
• Leave a committed relationship and sever contact
• Cut themselves off from family contact
• Live far away, arein touch, but not seen (as in the families of immigrants)

In all of these cases, the usual rituals and community support associated with mourning are likely to be missing, “disenfranchising” the grief. In fact, those dealing with such ambiguity may be told to “get over it” despite the lack of closure that can prevent a healing bereavement process.

Responding to change in family dynamics and structure requires a tolerance for not knowing, a different definition of “hope,” clarity about who is in and who is out of the family, and a communication process that supports a new definition of family.

Since ambiguous loss is ubiquitous, we can all benefit from understanding the nature of this experience. I encourage professionals in a variety of disciplines and the community at large to read this very valuable book.

Bring a Generation Impact Author to Your Next Engagement

Testimonials.


The new book by Sharna Goldseker and Michael Moody won’t be a classic someday. It is. Now. Their book is all about now and giving and this generation that, right before our very eyes, emerged from being the ‘next generation’ to what Goldseker and Moody reveal is the ‘now generation’—that generation with the intellectual, human, and financial capital needed to tackle the massive challenges confronting the planet, the country, and their own backyards. The Goldseker/Moody approach to telling the stories of these givers and this new age of giving is fresh and creative: at once inspirational and how to, heartening, and instructive. For families, emerging philanthropists, and old pros trying to disrupt themselves, this book is a lantern in dark times, a light in the world we are all trying to fathom—and fix.

Joline Godfrey
Author, Raising Financially Fit Kids

21/64
2021-03-17T17:42:58-05:00

Joline Godfrey
Author, Raising Financially Fit Kids

The new book by Sharna Goldseker and Michael Moody won’t be a classic someday. It is. Now. Their book is all about now and giving and this generation that, right before our very eyes, emerged from being the ‘next generation’ to what Goldseker and Moody reveal is the ‘now generation’—that generation with the intellectual, human, and financial capital needed to tackle the massive challenges confronting the planet, the country, and their own backyards. The Goldseker/Moody approach to telling the stories of these givers and this new age of giving is fresh and creative: at once inspirational and how to, heartening, and instructive. For families, emerging philanthropists, and old pros trying to disrupt themselves, this book is a lantern in dark times, a light in the world we are all trying to fathom—and fix.
Generation Impactis a thoughtful, astute exploration that shows how new and established families can engage with the next generation to regenerate family philanthropy, deepening their legacy and broadening their impact.

Melissa A. Berman
President, Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors

21/64
2021-03-17T17:36:40-05:00

Melissa A. Berman
President, Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors

Generation Impactis a thoughtful, astute exploration that shows how new and established families can engage with the next generation to regenerate family philanthropy, deepening their legacy and broadening their impact.
The updated edition of Generation Impactcomes at a critical juncture for the increasingly complex and uncertain times we’re living in. The world has changed dramatically since it first came out only a few years ago, and the new preface offers an important ‘sense-making’ perspective about how next gen donors are responding to societal upheavals and existential crises. The Best Practice Guides are provocative and insightful, as well as practical and realistic. I will be referring to them often as thedefinitive playbook for engaging next gen donors and changemakers as they rise to meet the moments of our time.

Mae Hong
Vice President, Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors

21/64
2021-03-17T17:33:52-05:00

Mae Hong
Vice President, Rockefeller Philanthropy Advisors

The updated edition of Generation Impactcomes at a critical juncture for the increasingly complex and uncertain times we’re living in. The world has changed dramatically since it first came out only a few years ago, and the new preface offers an important ‘sense-making’ perspective about how next gen donors are responding to societal upheavals and existential crises. The Best Practice Guides are provocative and insightful, as well as practical and realistic. I will be referring to them often as thedefinitive playbook for engaging next gen donors and changemakers as they rise to meet the moments of our time.
Anyone who participates in philanthropy—whether as supporter or recipient—needs to understand the profound changes that are being led by a new generation of donors. The fascinating first-person essays in this book, along with the keen analysis and commentary by authors with deep personal experience in the field, offer new and important insights into the minds of the young donors who will help shape philanthropy’s future.

Mark Kramer
Co-founder and Managing Director, FSG
Senior Lecturer, Harvard Business School

21/64
2021-03-17T17:35:30-05:00

Mark Kramer
Co-founder and Managing Director, FSG
Senior Lecturer, Harvard Business School

Anyone who participates in philanthropy—whether as supporter or recipient—needs to understand the profound changes that are being led by a new generation of donors. The fascinating first-person essays in this book, along with the keen analysis and commentary by authors with deep personal experience in the field, offer new and important insights into the minds of the young donors who will help shape philanthropy’s future.
From my decades of experience at the Packard Foundation, I can attest that Generation Impact provides invaluable insights into the joys and challenges of seeking impact through a multi-generation family foundation. 2020 has been a year of unprecedented turmoil and urgency. The ‘next gen’ have an important role to play in guiding philanthropy’s course to help our country and world innovate and address our biggest challenges over the next many years. This updated edition with Best Practice Guides is published at the right time to help philanthropists of all generations have conversations, plan, and take action to rise to the moment.

Carol Larson
Trustee Emerita, Former President and CEO, The David and Lucile
Packard Foundation

21/64
2021-03-17T17:39:49-05:00

Carol Larson
Trustee Emerita, Former President and CEO, The David and Lucile
Packard Foundation

From my decades of experience at the Packard Foundation, I can attest that Generation Impact provides invaluable insights into the joys and challenges of seeking impact through a multi-generation family foundation. 2020 has been a year of unprecedented turmoil and urgency. The ‘next gen’ have an important role to play in guiding philanthropy’s course to help our country and world innovate and address our biggest challenges over the next many years. This updated edition with Best Practice Guides is published at the right time to help philanthropists of all generations have conversations, plan, and take action to rise to the moment.
Philanthropy is changing, and with it, the world. Generation Impact demonstrates, with data and vivid personal stories, that Gen Xers and Millennials are aligning their values, their giving, and their lives. This is a must-read book for anyone concerned with the future of philanthropy.

Peter Singer
Ira W. DeCamp Professor of Bioethics, Princeton University
Author, The Life You Can Saveand The Most Good You Can Do

21/64
2021-03-17T17:32:41-05:00

Peter Singer
Ira W. DeCamp Professor of Bioethics, Princeton University
Author, The Life You Can Saveand The Most Good You Can Do

Philanthropy is changing, and with it, the world. Generation Impact demonstrates, with data and vivid personal stories, that Gen Xers and Millennials are aligning their values, their giving, and their lives. This is a must-read book for anyone concerned with the future of philanthropy.
Generational change is upon us, and Goldseker and Moody have spent years finding out what drives those best positioned to fund social change. What better way to understand next gen donors than hearing their stories first-hand in order to become effective partners in organizing, supporting, and advocating for the rights of those who need it most.

Ai-Jen Poo
Director, National Domestic Workers Alliance
Co-director, Caring Across Generations
Author, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America

21/64
2021-03-17T17:29:21-05:00

Ai-Jen Poo
Director, National Domestic Workers Alliance
Co-director, Caring Across Generations
Author, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America

Generational change is upon us, and Goldseker and Moody have spent years finding out what drives those best positioned to fund social change. What better way to understand next gen donors than hearing their stories first-hand in order to become effective partners in organizing, supporting, and advocating for the rights of those who need it most.
When my clients and students express curiosity or frustration about engaging Gen Xers and Millennials in philanthropy, I tell them that the ‘go to’ book is Generation Impact. This book has been a refreshing guide and resource for me and so many. The insights and profiles in the book are framed with solid philanthropic analysis and a generous supply of informed observations. Of particular importance to me is the exploration of the continuing persistence of values as a primary motivator for Gen X and Millennial philanthropy—as they have been for centuries.

Kay Sprinkel Grace
Consultant, Author, and Founder, Transforming Philanthropy
2020. AFP Global Fundraising Professional of the Year

21/64
2021-03-17T17:22:11-05:00

Kay Sprinkel Grace
Consultant, Author, and Founder, Transforming Philanthropy
2020. AFP Global Fundraising Professional of the Year

When my clients and students express curiosity or frustration about engaging Gen Xers and Millennials in philanthropy, I tell them that the ‘go to’ book is Generation Impact. This book has been a refreshing guide and resource for me and so many. The insights and profiles in the book are framed with solid philanthropic analysis and a generous supply of informed observations. Of particular importance to me is the exploration of the continuing persistence of values as a primary motivator for Gen X and Millennial philanthropy—as they have been for centuries.
In Generation Impact, Michael and Sharna offer a compelling analysis of how Gen X and Millennials are already revolutionizing giving—and will continue to do so for years to come. In a time of deep inequity and great need, these rising generations are set not only to change the face of philanthropy, but also the practice of it, transforming the future in ways both exciting and promising. Generation Impactdoes more than inspire; it also serves as a practical guide to engaging the next generation of giving.

Janine Lee
President and CEO, Southeastern Council of Foundations

21/64
2021-03-17T17:30:56-05:00

Janine Lee
President and CEO, Southeastern Council of Foundations

In Generation Impact, Michael and Sharna offer a compelling analysis of how Gen X and Millennials are already revolutionizing giving—and will continue to do so for years to come. In a time of deep inequity and great need, these rising generations are set not only to change the face of philanthropy, but also the practice of it, transforming the future in ways both exciting and promising. Generation Impactdoes more than inspire; it also serves as a practical guide to engaging the next generation of giving.
With great abundance comes great responsibility. In Sharna and Michael’s stunningly important book we have a deep and learned look into how (with ‘engagement’) and why (‘to achieve impact’) Gen Xers and Millennials are becoming today’s philanthropists. Give yourself the gift of knowing what to expect as you engage with emerging philanthropists from these cohorts. Join these authors as they bring to life the motivations, actions, and philosophies of giving of these remarkable, dedicated philanthropists who expect to help solve the social, economic, political, and cultural issues of the past and present, and who want to lead us toward a magnificent future for our planet and its peoples. I am sure that many of my silent generation cohort will love learning about the feeling of engagement and passion for impact among these young philanthropists.

James (Jay) E. Hughes, Jr.
Author, Family Wealth: Keeping it in the Family, and Family:The Compact Among Generations
Co-author, The Cycle of the Gift, The Voice of the Rising Generation, and Family Trusts

21/64
2021-03-17T17:41:47-05:00

James (Jay) E. Hughes, Jr.
Author, Family Wealth: Keeping it in the Family, and Family:The Compact Among Generations
Co-author, The Cycle of the Gift, The Voice of the Rising Generation, and Family Trusts

With great abundance comes great responsibility. In Sharna and Michael’s stunningly important book we have a deep and learned look into how (with ‘engagement’) and why (‘to achieve impact’) Gen Xers and Millennials are becoming today’s philanthropists. Give yourself the gift of knowing what to expect as you engage with emerging philanthropists from these cohorts. Join these authors as they bring to life the motivations, actions, and philosophies of giving of these remarkable, dedicated philanthropists who expect to help solve the social, economic, political, and cultural issues of the past and present, and who want to lead us toward a magnificent future for our planet and its peoples. I am sure that many of my silent generation cohort will love learning about the feeling of engagement and passion for impact among these young philanthropists.
Today’s emerging generation of donors are driven by a new definition of success: impact. This is clear through Goldseker and Moody’s work, which uncovers the motives and approaches driving today’s new strategic philanthropists. Many close friends are profiled in this book, and I can attest to their earnest, values-driven approach. For anyone who is eager to understand the next gen donor, this book offers truly valuable insights.

Howard W. Buffett
Associate Professor, Columbia University
Co-author, Social Value Investing: A Framework for Effective Partnerships

21/64
2021-03-17T17:38:13-05:00

Howard W. Buffett
Associate Professor, Columbia University
Co-author, Social Value Investing: A Framework for Effective Partnerships

Today’s emerging generation of donors are driven by a new definition of success: impact. This is clear through Goldseker and Moody’s work, which uncovers the motives and approaches driving today’s new strategic philanthropists. Many close friends are profiled in this book, and I can attest to their earnest, values-driven approach. For anyone who is eager to understand the next gen donor, this book offers truly valuable insights.
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